secret pleasure : )

saying goodbye.....was never easy

2010-03-13T08:10:00.004+07:00

Hello anyone, still there? No?

Well, this blog is kinda lame, and the owner herself thinks that she has no interest in updating this blog anymore. Not in this recent days, maybe someday, when she feels like writing once more, she'll be back.

These past few months was rather ordinary for her. College thingy, her first "Indeks Prestasi" that seems not good enough, social life with her dentistry-mates, quality time with her family, another social life with her high-school-mates, sleep less nights of studying oral biology and biochem, laughing out loud over stupid things, and any other ordinary activities. Those activities like commoners do.

One thing she finally realized, she knows one exact bad habit she has. Clumsiness. She lost almost her everything during the family-new-year-trip to Jogja. First, she lost her Nintendo DS. She left it at the plane, and notices her NDS was gone about 5 hours later, after the plane has landed, and probably already continue its duty to fly another passengers to another place.

The next day, she lost her blackberry. Someone stole it from her backpack along the Malioboro.

Not to mention losing her glasses, parking tickets, tooth brush and any other little things.

Another crucial thing about her. One thing she knows from the very beginning, she has never sure of what exactly she feels. And she has never been good handling her own problem without fucking it up. She always has this selfish thingy going on her fucking mind. She feels very guilty for everything that's happened out of the plan.

She will be gone now from this blog, but she will still updating her twitter. Any other followers are welcome, @denyarsania.

Have a good one dear readers! (if there's any)

now playing :

Lovers Lay Down-Dave Matthews Band

Between You and I-Every Avenue

Everybody Knows-John Legend

No Distance Left To Run-Blur

updating life

2009-12-16T16:37:00.000+07:00

Hello people, still there? No? okay, I don’t really care though. Go wherever you want to go. Speak whatever you want to speak. Leave every time you want to leave. Spread every joy, every laugh, and every tear you had to the world. Let them know, let them understand, let them feel, let you share.

Time passes so fast nowadays, I don’t think one day even lasts 24 hours, it feels like a blink of an eye. Tomorrow will be the last day I have to go to the college for this year. And yeah, in approximately 2 weeks, we’ll be facing the upcoming 2010. One year closer to the world end, people, that’s the truth. They said truth’s hurt, I am so agree with those people, but I prefer to be hurt than to be lied at all.

I have already facing college for approximately 5 months now. Already in the time of being so busy with those assignments and seniors, getting massive headache learning new things, getting my hands red and swollen carving wax, getting less sleep, getting nervous facing examination, and else, oh the last, getting excited to face new days. And to realize that I still have 4 and half years to go, it makes me really excited, tired, blessed, worried all in one time.

5 months of college. It hasn’t been that good to replace the senior high school moments. Call me idiotic or whatever, I miss high school. I miss the way things were much simpler when I were a student. I miss those high school people. I miss runet. Being in one city with them doesn’t make it easier for me to catch them every time I want to.

Well, hello holiday, hello idling time, hello freedom :) I recommend Dan in Real Life and (500) Days of Summer for your holiday movies. those film have a really great soundtrack too, you should listen nevertheless.

2009-10-31T12:06:00.000+07:00

pardon me and my last post. it just wasn't hmm it just one of my stupid thought. well yeah it is

spilling truth

2009-10-21T20:21:00.003+07:00

I might be one of unimportant person in your life, not to mention the boring one. The kind of girl you will never attracted to. I aware of that, from the moment I let myself fall for you. To make it even worse, I always hide my feelings. I put my pride above everything. I tried to be seen as if I never feel anything towards you. As if I don't mind with everything you ask me. As if I'm fine with all the paths we are going through. I was, actually, I was okay with all that, but as time goes, days change, and moment passes, I realize that I'm on denial. I deny my feeling. I try to be fine in front of other people, cover it all with laughs.

There will be no chance for you to change your mind, I supposed. Gonna close this thing as soon as possible then.

Oh and if you ever read this, no, I didn't write this to make you feel guilty or anything. Just need something to spill the truth because I have no guts to tell it to you by any chance. I never wanna be one kind of burden to you

2009-10-13T13:26:00.000+07:00

I've turned into a cynical arrogant bitch lately. Sorry for any inconvenience I've made by this new perspective I have. One person there to blame, or maybe me to blame. No, I ain't a girl whose smile can cheer yer day. No, not anymore.

2009-09-29T22:55:00.002+07:00

TransJakarta corridor 8th, 28th September 2009

The routine’s finally starts. 2 weeks of refreshment, laughing hard, spending quality time with your nearest dearest people finally over. Children go to school, people get to work, traffic becomes hectic, again. Ah life cycle, after lazy days at home –not so lazy though, remembering that the maid is doing ‘mudik’ tradition—we continue our duties, earn money for living, studying for a so called better future.

I went to a shelter near the City Bank. My uncle dropped me off. And I need to wait for the bus. Alone. No one there to talk to.

I entered the bus after waiting for like 5 minutes. The bus was already half full, of course, it’s their busy hours, 6 o’clock in the morning. There’s no chair left for me, so I choose to stand near the door. I put my Nocchi on shuffle. Approximately one hour ride, alone, no one to accompany, no one to talk to, no full moon glaring through the way, and no chair to sit and fell asleep. It forces my mind to think.

Nocchi plays Imogen Heap’s Goodnight and Go. I look around, the sun finally shows itself after hiding all night long. I saw this woman, sitting next to her 4 years old daughter. Her daughter fell asleep, and her mom hugging her tight. I remember my mom.

My mom, oh shewt, I’m crying when I type this part, she is the most caring person in the world I’ve ever known. I love her beyond everything else matter in this world. And I know, I’m not the best daughter she could have in this world. I couldn’t make her proud and happy by being accepted at prestigious university, I couldn’t help her taking care of my little sister and else. God knows, how I wanted to cry right at the very moment when I think of it at busway. Plus, these past 3 days, I aware that I was being one annoying daughter for her.

I love her beyond my words that written here on my blog. Beyond all these tears I made when I type this fucking short post. Beyond every cynical tone I made for her when she annoys me. Beyond all the songs she sings when I was a little kid. Beyond everything that she asks me but I pay no attention to them. Beyond every hug she gave me to soothe my terrible mood. Beyond every good morning and good night kiss we always shared. Beyond every phone call we made when she was out of town. Beyond everything, I mean it, everything that matters in the world.

I know this short, un-right grammar post I made isn’t enough. Everything I do won’t be enough to pay every love she has given from the day I was born. I just want her to know, that I really love her. Maybe she won’t read my blog. Maybe she will read it someday. I don’t care.

“Mama tau dek kalo kamu ada masalah, kalo kamu lagi down, walaupun kamu ga pernah lari duluan cerita ke aku. Mama emang ga selalu nanya kamu lagi ada masalah apa, tapi mama selalu ada waktu buat dengerin kamu. Buat merhatiin kamu dan tau kalo kamu lagi ada masalah.”

2009-09-07T21:03:00.000+07:00

Using only song names from ONE BAND or ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist: Copeland

Are you a female: She’s Always A Woman

Describe yourself: I’m A Sucker For A Kind Word

How do you feel: Careful Now

Describe where you currently live: Walking Downtown

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: California

Your favorite form of transportation: Kite

Your best friend is: By My Side

You and your best friend are: On The Safest Ledge

What's the weather like: You Are My Sunshine

Favourite time of day: Good Morning Fire Eater

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: No One Really Wins

What is life to you: Another Day In Paradise

Your relationship: You Have My Attention

Your fear: That Awful Memory Of Yours

What is the best advice you have to give: Don’t Slow Down

How I would like to die: To Be Happy Now

My soul's present condition: Strange And Unprepared

My Motto: Eat, Sleep, Repeat

2009-09-05T10:12:00.001+07:00

By the window
The wind blows
The leaves fall
And I notice
From the first time we met
The first time you hold me
Things will end
By the time you get there

followers are welcome @denyarsania

2009-08-22T00:11:00.003+07:00

Things finally become clear. I mean, clear enough for me to understand. We always need the third person who understand all of these better than we do, right?

2009-08-20T23:35:00.002+07:00

"I'm going out,
I'm gonna drink myself to death
And in the crowd
I see you with someone else,
I brace myself,
Cause I know it's going to hurt,
But I like to think at least things can't get any worse.

I hope that you see me,
Cause I'm staring at you,
But when you look over,
You look right through,
Then you lean and kiss her on the head,
And I never felt so alive, and so.. dead."

Hurricane Drunk - Florence + The Machine

I've been repeating that song for hours.
Sorry mom, I told you I was having nasi uduk for dinner, actually I have nothing today.
My mood's kinda wrecked up this past few days. I feel like throwing things, crying without reason, and screaming out. I thought I was the one, but Karina said that she did that too. Maybe this fucking too long holiday is the reason why. Maybe.................no, I don't know.

2009-08-12T22:31:00.003+07:00

Feeling unsecure. What am I to you?

highway posting

2009-08-08T15:30:00.001+07:00

Hello again dear anyone. I'm on my way to Bandung now with my whole family. And I've got nothing to do so I decided to post something from this old nokia N70. I forgot to charge my iPod, forgot to bring some CDs, and I got bored playing cake mania 2 on my Nintendo DS.
Bandung is still like 20 kilos or more, approximately 1 hour from right here when I type this post. I personally think Bandung-Jakarta isn't that far. But maybe it isn't about the distance. I don't know and I'm clueless, about everything I'll be going through for the upcoming years.
Well, I already arrived here in Bandung. Did I just waste 1 hour for typing this short post? Oh my, I'm such apathetic.
And my dad yelled at me like a minute ago because I forgot where ITB is located. Hello Dad, I'm not going to continue my study there at ITB, so there's no need for me to know. I'd rather know the fastest way to go to Grogol by public transport from Cinere because I will continue my study there, do you remember?

2009-08-07T23:55:00.002+07:00

Hello people. Well, I mean hello there if anyone's reading this blog. It's already August here. The beginning of a new life I guess. All of my friends already facing their future. Out of town or stay here still but things wouldn't be the same. Things wouldn't feel the same. I still stay here somehow, preparing to face the uni life that will start soon in September. Facing the upcoming fasting month in the middle of August. I feel excited and scared at the same time. Life was indescribable these days. I have lost my word.....for you.

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay
Maybe you'll leave
Maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
Maybe we'll grow
We'll never know

Ordinary People-John Legend

2009-07-26T23:45:00.000+07:00

it explain much, I think....

picture from icanread.tumblr.com

2009-07-22T09:25:00.000+07:00

can I be real for just once?

I dont even have idea whom I would love to refer this to

2009-07-22T07:59:00.001+07:00

who?

picture from icanread.tumblr.com

actually it's still 21st of July, midnight I mean

2009-07-22T07:43:00.002+07:00

Is it imagination or what?
Is it real or what?
I don't fucking understand even a slightest amount of it.
And I'm not brave enough to ask.

late night thinking

2009-07-22T02:46:00.001+07:00

It's already 2 in the morning. And I can't sleep still. I can't think clearly about everything thats just going on today. Well, I don't have any idea of whats going on now,even the slightest idea. Maybe I.... I don't know. And Tissa's cd is keep playing on my very head. I forgot the band's name and too bad I don't know the title. One thing I remember is just this,
"Am I still bad enough for you?"
Can you make this all clear for me? Just to make it easier for me to understand.

Today

2009-07-13T19:55:00.002+07:00

"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go."

-Tyler Durden

Kal-El

2009-07-11T22:42:00.003+07:00

Currently watching : Superman Returns on trans tv, and to be exact, for the 5th times.
Currently listening : Oh-so-fucking Leaving On A Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk.
Currently eating : The un-delicious papaya.

I watched this fucking addictive Superman Movie for the 5th times on my life. I don't have any reason how on earth I could love Superman best among many other superhero. He isn't the most handsome one, or the strongest one but he actually steal my heart until now. Okay, I know he is the most impossible thing the world could have, but ah I lost my word for him. And yeah, I think that possibly maybe I'm falling for him :)

"He is Superman, everyone in the world loves him" -Lois Lane

2009-07-07T13:43:00.001+07:00

Nothing goods come easily, sometimes you gotta fight

2009-07-01T15:41:00.000+07:00

I hate physics, I hate chemist, I hate science maths
Is that enough?

old red dragonfly

2009-07-01T14:20:00.002+07:00

And you say it was easy.
You say you can cheat.
And you make me feel like I'm just a silly-billy girl.
And I wanna slap you.
Right on your face.
Or maybe your heart.
So you can feel what I'm feeling now, to you.
I hate you so fucking much.

By the way, the red dragonfly above named Munyu. I found him on 34 last year. I caught him with my very hand, and I let him fly after playing about couple of minutes.

brain less

2009-06-30T14:26:00.003+07:00

Take me somewhere.
We'll talk and laugh like the old days.
I don't care what happened,
I don't care what may happen,
I care about you.
About your feeling.
Let me be,
and I will be.
You know that for sure.
WE know that for sure.

These past few days really, really makes my whole world upside down.
I don't have any exact reason actually, except that SNMPTN is on its way and it means tomorrow.
About what I wrote above, I really don't mean anything.
I'm sure, I have no exact feeling currently.
I feel like a robot that eat sleep and repeat without asking why, without feeling something.
Can I blame you?
No, I can not, okay I know.

high school

2009-06-04T21:24:00.004+07:00

Time grows fast. Three years are almost over. No freaking euphoria yet, maybe someday, maybe when the real good bye starts, maybe no, we don't know. Three years at high school for me, maybe not the best time every people could get . And I think I don't live my high school life to the fullest. But still, it's a memories that will stay in my mind, like forever.

Three years is sure a short period of your life. Three years for high school, for me, is not enough. No, that doesn't mean I don't wanna get graduate, hell yeah I want it. But when it goes to friends, and all those precious time we had together, three years sure feels like a blink of an eye.

I'll wait for June to come. Knowing that I'll graduate from 34 soon sure makes me happy and sad at the same time. I'll miss those people. My best best friends, my class mate, my chair mate, those people up stairs, and those people on second stairs. I'll miss those places. I'll miss those moments. I'll miss those feelings.

2009-05-31T22:04:00.005+07:00

"Maybe our paths will cross again someday, under different circumstances.
Well, who knows about life?"

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

mobile posting 2 and my own version of deadly storm lightning thunder

2009-05-21T17:42:00.001+07:00

here I go,once again,blabbering non-sense thing just to fulfill my too-much-spare-time. currently here in my home,the weather went perfectly perfect for me to enjoy. for some people,thunder maybe the most terrifying thing they've ever known, while for me, I enjoy thunder as much as fat-boy-loves-his-chocolate. I don't get afraid from the thunder,or the lightning bolt,some of my friends think that I'm weird but I don't take it seriously. while typing this post from my old nokia n70,i was sitting in this comfy red couch, looking at the lightning bolt from my big window, and sipping hot chocolate. my iPod is on shuffle mode and I dont know why, it plays songs that turns my mood low. absolutely I can turn off the iPod or change the song, but I don't want to. sometimes you need just some me-time and letting yourself go back remembering the old times. speaking old times, I wont let you know which one I was remembering about. there's always a reason why people on your past doesn't make it to be your future they said. I'm trying to believe that saying,but,hey there's always a chance for them to be a part of my future,right? oh I'm starting to loose my grip to reality now,my mind push me a little deeper each and every minute to the imagination of perfect past time.
rain will always be my favourite weather no matter what. and to be honest, I miss the way he lets me know whenever it was raining and the way we remember each other when we saw lightning bolt. now I'm really lost in my deepest memories. gotta catch the reality then people.

2009-05-17T10:30:00.002+07:00

I found it! I found it!
But I can't find you, not anymore

night dreaming

2009-05-14T21:35:00.002+07:00

ah perfect time for a day dreaming. or I may called a night dreaming since it's already night here.
I didn't see the moon nor the stars when I was outside a few hours ago, but the sky color, the midnight blue, for me, it's just perfect. the final exam thingy for 12th grader is already done, I didn't have to go to the fooking school anymore in the next 3 weeks. but I still have to prepare for the upcoming uni test. now, not a prefect time to start studying I guess, I'll let my finger to type anything I want. the non-sense things, and it's my own imagination. my own wishes maybe.
I wish I could manage myself to study harder.
I wish I could understand physics, and chemist, and science math well.
I wish I could go straight to FKG UI, or at least, FKM UI.
I wish I could drive a manual car well (!)
I wish I could go anywhere i want.
I wish I could make my parents, they both, proud of me.
I wish I could go to Hongkong Disneyland, and hug Buzz Lightyear.
I wish I could go to London.
I wish I could understand my feelings better.
I wish I could read people's mind, people's feeling.
I wish I could be more mature than now.
I wish I could go playing with sharks.
and the list goes on and on

2009-05-12T21:52:00.002+07:00

pernah merasa penat?
merasa bosan sampai ingin loncat
terlalu penat lalu kepala jadi berat

my life nowadays aren't as exciting as the old days. inten is being so damn boring with just a few people coming. and school is almost over. can you believe this all 3 years gonna end up like this? no freaking euphoria or else? unpad and snmptn are on their way, weighing on my tiny little brain. come tell me this is not real, tell me that it's just some kind of that dumb imagination of mine. bring me back to reality,please. or is it the reality? if so, please make it as exciting as the imagination one.

have you ever been in a some kind of situation that makes you have to predict something that you are still unsure about how that thing is going? and all you can predict is just the worst case scenario, because you don't want to put your hope too high for a better one. have you? have you? and you are 100% curious about HOW that thing is REALLY going. i'm on one now.

2009-05-06T23:59:00.001+07:00

dan saya terjebak lagi seperti dulu
dalam permainan emosi dan permainan waktu
semuanya kamu yang memandu
apa memang pasti begitu?
atau karena kamu adalah candu?

hmm cuma iseng nulis malam2 kok, sungguh gada artinya.
gada sangkut pautnya juga dengan apa yang terjadi belakangan ini.

sarkasme

2009-05-05T14:48:00.002+07:00

oh kamu sudah sendiri?
belum?
tapi kok kamu begini?
berani mengungkit2 masa lalu lagi?
untuk apa?
memastikan bahwa aku tidak akan pergi?
aku disini kok, menunggumu mati

truth

2009-05-04T20:25:00.002+07:00

I never thought it would ended too soon like now, even in my worst imagination ever

die people, die

2009-04-29T17:57:00.004+07:00

I know the worst is yet to come. I mean it will come by the beginning of the most hectic months for me.
I mean what I go through nowadays is not the worst yet, but I already feel like I hit the bottom. Why could you? Why could I?
Oh why oh why is always be a big question for us, people. If I could ask one thing beside graduate and got accepted at that prestigious uni majoring on dentistry, I would definitely answer having those nighty-night experience again and again. I know it's impossible, I know it's not right. I know I'm playing with fire, but how if I'm happy being burned? Oh burned me burned me BURNED ME BURNED ME.
Ja, here goes my stupid random thoughts.
By the way, I miss all those things these past few weeks.
Well, good luck chuck!! :)

past week

2009-04-25T07:06:00.002+07:00

Terimakasih loh ya Allah akhirnya UAN selesai juga. this past week was hard. matematika nya babi bgt. belajar apa keluar apa. keluar keluar kelas nangis lah gue kejer. mau nyontek gabisa, mau ngitung udh panik, pingin pipis ga blh keluar, duduk di bawah AC, keringet dingin, tinggal tunggu mati aja lah pas ngerjain. gatau deh tuh gimana hasilnya, I already gave my best.

biologinya juga agak agak nyebelin. pdhl agak naro harapan nabung nilai dr biologi buat katrol fisika kimia, cuma ternyata malah biologi yg mesti di katrol tp insyaAllah lumayan deh ya. tetep aja tp, beda sm soal2 try out yg udh dilatih smp ngelotok dr otak itu. jonjot usus itu apa sih? emang pernah dibahas di sekolah ya? di buku2 rangkuman biologi yg dibaca juga enggak ada si jonjot usus.

fisika kimia yg bikin panas dingin biasanya kali ini malah ngasih angin sejuk haha. maksudnya soalnya lumayan lah, ga beda2 jauh sm apa yg dilatih. jd agak yakin.

ya semoga aja lima hari kemarin itu bisa jd yg terbaik dan ke depannya lebih baik lagi. apalagi unpad dan ui masih menunggu di depan mata. ya ampun, Bandung? hmm.

somehow, knowing it's all done, I feel awkward inside. Can you believe I don't want all of this ended too soon like now?

2009-04-13T16:59:00.001+07:00

I was left unsure of all this things would go

Adhitia Sofyan- In To You

2009-04-11T19:20:00.002+07:00

every time you stroked my hair

that is when I hit my highest point
and my lowest point
at the same time

2009-04-08T00:00:00.003+07:00

It seems like a never ending fairy tale
It's been as good as rainbow with seven colors
It's been as beautiful as the happy ending in every bed time stories
It's been as wonderful as Cinderella's dress
but still,
It's as dangerous as the hungry wild tiger that can chop you less than 15 seconds

please, don't mind the picture

2009-04-03T17:43:00.002+07:00

I'm preparing for the worst
because I know the worst is yet to come

I'm preparing for the worst
but I'm afraid

somehow I know I can't be able to handle it when it comes

not that uni thingy ofc

2009-04-03T17:08:00.002+07:00

when tomorrow's come
everyone will be at their highest point
got accepted at that prestigious uni
and I?
I'm the one that cry out loud
because I didn't get what I need
even I have already prepared
even I went to Inten every day and night
I...........

saya tidak yakin

i love you,eyang putri

2009-03-27T20:08:00.002+07:00

I know my mom miss her a lot...
And I'm starting to miss her too...

2009-03-23T17:04:00.002+07:00

it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death

2009-03-12T18:24:00.002+07:00

I dont know, today I feel like hitting my lowest point. I just feel like to wrote it all down here. I'm sorry. But, hey, this is my own blog. I can write anything I want to, right? And I dont think, there any people who read this shitty blog. Its just about a daily life of a girl, and she, she can be a pain in your ass sometimes :)

I hate it when the weather went so cold, too cold that I cannot tolerate with. Because I'm having this fook-ing cold allergic. And this allergic, oh I don't know how on earth I could have this. I mean, could you imagine? I cannot go to Puncak ever again, the night weather there is sometimes too cold, and how if I cannot tolerate with that? And I wanted so bad to go to Taman Safari, because I saw at the morning news, that there are 3 baby penguins in Taman Safari that's just born. I want to have them. And I cannot go to Swiss, because the weather is frigging cold. And, ah! I hate this allergic.

I hate the fact that, I'm having all this exam within a month.

I hate being 12th grader. Ey sorry, I mean I hate all those f* exams, but no, I love being 12th grader, indeed :)

I hate it when my mother, the one that I dependent with, she's being so busy taking care of my grandma. I don't mean that I don't like she takes care of her very own mother. But, hey, she still have to care about me, and about my dad, and my sister. And my dad, sometimes he's just being too busy with all his work. My sister? oh, what do you expect from a-7-years-old-girl? She can do nothing. Oh shite, now I sounds like a spoiled-little-jealousy-girl.

Okay, stop about blabbering the "hates" I have. Because, I'm living my life here. And it sure has its ups and downs like roller coaster do. And all I can say about my life this very moment, is that I love it. Simply because I have all these people around me, and they seems pretty good to catch up with :)

2009-03-06T20:06:00.003+07:00

oh please please
don't get it wrong, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :(
I don't know yours, I don't even know mine
I don't wanna know though.
but please, don't get me wrong

2009-03-06T17:27:00.002+07:00

I want a lightning thunder hit me
so I could be unconscious for a while

2009-03-06T17:20:00.002+07:00

I wish I could not care about right and wrong
I will be at both sides

I wish I don't live in black or white
So I can choose gray shades for my world

Life's never been more complicated than this
I cried twice today

I'm coughing hard, sneezing harder
And all I can remember is just late night

If I could...........................

2009-03-04T22:09:00.002+07:00

I'm repeating Imogen Heap's goodnight and go for hours,
and I guess I'm having my PMS.
It's killing me.
Oh I hate this.
I even start to cry, for no reason.

2009-03-04T22:05:00.001+07:00

Don't ever promise anything
you don't know what will happen in next minute

:: will you? will you??

2009-03-04T21:54:00.001+07:00

I wish I have met you in different time

and in different condition

2009-03-04T21:48:00.003+07:00

Sometimes, I don't want to care.

I want to be blinded by happiness and laugh.

I don't want to see what truth brings.

I prefer to run away, and hide.

Sounds pathetic, but somehow, that's what I really feel.

I'm such a complicated inside, while outside, I'm trying not to be one.

go underline it!

2009-03-04T17:43:00.002+07:00

oh SIMAK is over dude. thank god. but i don't really sure i can pass that. i'm doing my best and let God do the rest. life been way too hectic before simak. i've got to go to inten every night, i mean it. i always arrived home after 10 pm. but one and two things are keep me going for that. UAN, UMB, SMUP and SNMPTN are on their way. i'm going to prepare for it harder. oh no no no.
Last Sunday, i go on the phone with yeah particular someone. i've done with my hope with him. so the call, his talks and his caring voice not make me ooooowh. i dont know. i've got a complicated yet interesting life than before. and i'm blessed. with everything. even with my mind. and my brain. and my thought. they turned complicated, i don't even can realize what i really feel inside. life goes on, and i'm through it.

PS.people, i know what i'm doing. i know what's good and what's bad. so don't even judge me if you don't know exactly what i'm going through now. thank you for your understanding.

she is back

2009-02-19T21:27:00.001+07:00

I'm glad she's back. she's been off somewhere and i kinda miss her a lot :D

cynicism

2009-02-13T14:51:00.001+07:00

oh i thought you are sweet-heart, girl
now i know i'm wrong
take good care of yours
you are going to deal it later with me

cliché

2009-02-13T11:12:00.002+07:00

i'm skipping school today. i've got this bad cough, and fcuking allergic. oh God knows how much i hate this allergic. but thank God, i'm getting better. i hope i can go to inten this evening with my friend and i can learn one or two things for SIMAK UI. it's getting closer, and still i'm not ready. i only got 21% for the last Try Out which FKG needs 50% or more. it's a hard thing to do, but i believe i can do that. pray for me then. haha. oh i currently listening to Adhitia Sofyan's Adelaide Sky. i really like this song. and i love the lyric.

"I'll admit a cliché
Things won't be the same without you"

yeah, i admit it. things wont be the same without you, but i'm not saying that i can not go through it. hey i could!
and i'm glad about it. i try not to regretting every things that doesn't went well. especially your presence in my life. you make my whole world upside down, and most of the time down actually, but yeah, there's beauty in a break dawn they say, and i believe in that. thank you for making me these ways. and i'm saying this for real, not with cynicism kind of mine.

mobile posting

2009-01-31T11:51:00.001+07:00

here i am,sitting in the back of the biology class. trying to listen to the teacher's explanation but unfortunately my mind keeps on flying somewhere. today is my best friend's birthday. she is turning 18 which seems old if you compare it to me,moreover she is older if you compare it to my last boyfriend,oh whatever. unnecessary though. i went to her house with her boyfriend at midnight,gave her strawberry cheesecake and watching she blew out the candles. before that i went to my grandma's,she is sick. and i shed a tear for her. i came home at eleven and ananda pick me up at eleven thirty. i cant take a nap,even just for 5 minutes. i went to bed at 2am and have to wake up at 6.30 i havent got enough sleep and i dont eat my breakfast and now i sit under the AC. no wonder 5 minutes ago i just got a permit from my teacher to go to the toilet and i throw up. i've got my headache, i feel like to throw up again, and i can hardly breath. its been ages since my 'asthma' hit me. o ow. fcuking photobox, fcuking wooden box and ofc fcuking them both. gittakarina just visited me,she know i feel a real low. she show me annisa's phone,and ask me to join her playing this magical sushi game. she cheer me up. and now i feel a little better. pardon me for my bad english. and now i'm busy playing magical sushi so i can forget them for a while

another condition

2009-01-21T19:09:00.002+07:00

I feel like an outsider
and my 5th-grader-feelings hit me quite often
and
I hate 20!

current condition

2009-01-06T18:01:00.003+07:00

-second day of school! haha. nothing's important so far. but i have to wake up earlier because the bell is ringing earlier 15 minutes than usual. but the traffic is way too annoying. but i don't care, really.
-my friends at school, they ALL already prepare for the upcoming SIMAK UI and other university thingy. i feel like i'm the only one whose unprepared, but still i'm way too lazy to start study.
-I REALLY NEED TO GO TO INTEN, ASAP! but inten's still close. and it is really annoying. i cant wait for the upcoming Thursday, so i can go to inten and prepare myself ready for the test. i really want to make my parents, they both, proud of me. but its hard.
-i need cireng. and bakpao. and siomay. and sushi. and fish ice cream waffle. and fried mushroom. and calamari. and that bolu gulung keju from Medan. and strawberry cheesecake. i told you before that i dont like to eat. but above is my favorite foods. i cant get enough of them. hahaha.
-i'm ready. to let you go. in fact. i already let you go. Anyer, Cineffest, and your act just prove it right. that you are not that worth it.
-i feel unsecure. about future, and my daily stuff. friends, subjects, they are like, well, mm, i dont know. i just feel my-5th-grade-feelings, and its not good.
-i feel a little interest about taking my uni life aboard. and if Minyon go with me, it'll probably better. but still, Salemba is the top-of-the-pop! :)

2009-01-04T14:41:00.004+07:00

Dear, Mr. Careless...

2009-01-01T23:42:00.003+07:00

I want to read your mind
and your feelings
so I could understand what you really feel
and what you really think

After Anyer and New Year

2009-01-01T23:26:00.005+07:00

Maybe, every things that we have spent together means nothing to you
At all

But just so you know,
It means everything to me

To know that it never be that precious to you
It just hurts me

A lot

is it real that you no longer remember about cinta yang kucari and pecel lele thingy?

2008-2009

2008-12-27T21:31:00.004+07:00

today is already the 27th day of December. the last month of the year. i don't know,i feel 2008 goes so fast, too fast. don't you all think the same? and i cannot wait for the upcoming year. and the upcoming new year's eve with 34/2009. semoga aja semuanya sebaik yg diharapkan ya buat 2009. for that university thingy, and future stuff, and anything. somehow, hal hal itu td yg selalu bikin gue pingin cepet2 kelar semuanya. i'll be very happy kalo semuanya selesai,dan berakhir sesuai dan sebaik harapan gue. haha.

tag tag tag

2008-12-23T18:00:00.012+07:00

i've been tagged by zita again. and i dont have anything to do, so.... here it is. like usual, i tag no one, do it if you feel like to.

The rules are simple. Use Google Image to search the answers to the questions below. Then you must choose a picture in the first page of results, and post it as your answer. After that tag 7 People..

Okay, start from NOW!!

the age of my next birthday

i'm going 18. but it's still a long way to go.

a place i'd like to travel to

London! no doubt about it. and Hongkong, and Macau, and the list goes on

a favorite place

a house. rumah gue kek, rumah minyon kek, rumah internet kek, rumah eyang kek, pokoknya rumah! hahaha

a favorite food

sushiii! and strawberry cheese cake.

favorite thing(s)

epoooo!

a favorite color

dark gray to be exact. and blue, for sure.

a city where i was born

Bandung.

a city which i have ever lived in

Jakarta

Bandung

a nickname i have

i was searching denyar, and i found this wayang wayang thingy. i dont know how we could be related. as long as i know, denyar means flash. check it on kamus indonesia inggris.

HAHAHA. gue mau ketawa ngakak bgt sebenernya sm yang satu ini. it just a joke. joke. joke.

college major (soon, amin!)

dentistry!

name of my love

hahaha, superman! ya, actually it supposed to be my family, my bestfriends, and my closest people, but since i have to search it from google, i dont know, i'm just searching superman, and boom, here it is.

a bad habit

ngambek. haha. lucu bgt ini anak.

a hobby

main ayunan! wauw

wishlist(s)

masuk fkg ui dong. hahaha. amin ya amin.

random

2008-12-23T17:27:00.003+07:00

i have nothing to do today. i was planning to go to my friend's house but unfortunately she was not there. i'm going to post random facts about me then. i have nothing to do, dont blame on me.

1. i love superheroes. and i dont have any reason i guess. i love superman and the flash,the most.
2. i love rain. and cloudy,windy weather. and thunderstorms. and lighting bolts. and the voice of thunder. and the smell of dry soil meets the water. and mostly the atmosphere.
3. i'm scared of rats. mouse, mice, curut, hamster, or whatever look-a-like. especially the giant gray one. or the small blind one.
4. i love travelling. wherever. domestic or international flight sounds nice to me. the feelings of having new experience, walking on the land that we have never been there, and seeing things i haven't seen.
5. i'm a dreamer. yeah i must admit it.
6. i'm not good at physics. but i have to deal with it since i was on science class.
7. i'm not good at erasing memory. or move on. or whatever. i'm a sucker for past time, and memory, and yeah those things.
8. i love number 8. maybe because i was born that day. no more reason.
9. i don't like to eat. unlike some other people who loves to eat, i'm not one of them. well, i eat when i'm hungry or when i want to. but i'm not enjoying it. except, i really like the food. so i think thats why i'm being so skinny, and i have this skinny-gen from my mom too, they said.
10. i really want to go to London. enjoying the ride on double decker bus, london eye, or just sit in the park.
11. i want to be a dentist. no particular reason. i just feel, i will like this job.
12. i love to see a grass field. where yellow grass grows knee high. playing hide and seek there sounds very interesting.
13. ga bisa diem. pecicilan. i love to walk here and there. i love to do this jumping-jumping thingy. that's why i really want to have a trampoline,but unfortunately, the trampoline was too big for my yard.
14. i dont have any idea anymore. haha.

see, this is an useless post though.

tag tag

2008-12-22T23:31:00.003+07:00

i've been tagged by zita
This is the rules :

take a recent photo of yourself or take a picture of yourself right now
don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair, just take a picture
post that picture with no editing
post this instruction with your picture
tag 10 people to do this

nah tuh mamam deh tuh muka ngantuk siap tidur. haha. ada adek gue muka ngambek gitu pula. haha. and i tag...... no one. haha. if you feel like doing this, go on, thank youu.
tag an yg satu lagi nanti nanti yaaauuw. haha

holiday

2008-12-22T10:47:00.002+07:00

holidaaaaay everyone! wow. thank god, my report book is good. but unfortunately i don't have any plan to do for this quite long holiday,or even just for this week. my friend told me that she is having an inten class today, and since we're attending the same class at inten, i guess i also have to go to inten today. i was excited at first, but then again, i asked my other friend, and she told me that today is just for those who took IPC. and i'm not taking this IPC IPC thingy. i dont know where i want to go seriously. i guess i'll stay home today, studying a little bit of this and that for the upcoming SIMAK UI. wow, that sounds "interesting"

lagi dan lagi

2008-12-21T10:30:00.002+07:00

selalu 180 derajat ini kan yang jadi masalah kita?
kenapa sih kita ga bisa bersikap jujur terhadap perasaan masing-masing?
takut menyakiti diri sendiri? atau takut menyakiti yang satu? atau malah takut menyakiti orang lain di luar lingkaran kita? memang kalau terus bersikap 180 derajat berbeda dari omongan seperti sekarang ini, tidak ada yang tersakiti? tidak ada yang kecewa dan menahan amarah?

i hate yooooouuuuu!

2008-12-20T23:59:00.003+07:00

lagi lagi, pikiran saya dipenuhi satu hal. unnecessary things to be exact. things that remains to be left, or whatever. but yeah. a thousands times before, i already said, that i'm such a labil person. and i'm not joking when i said that. but i think, there's someone, way more labil than me. he can be very bery nice, laughing with me--not laughing at me--, talking sweet things, listen to me over and over again, and did some other things exactly what i need and what i want. even it's almost half a year after that horrible thing between us happened. but it only happened when it just the two of us talking on the phone, which happened like once in a lifetime (after that horrible thing). and after that, boom! it suddenly disappear. no laughing and caring voices like he did. nothing like that. he acts like he doesnt even know me. and it hurts a lot. it's been ages since the last time i shed my tears for him, but yeah, he makes me crying again today. thanks to youu asshole. i hate you so fckn much.

ps.i've been tagged by Zita. but i'm not in the mood to do that now. i guess i'll do that on monday, or whenever i feel like i want to do that. but yeah, i promise i'll do

on lust

2008-12-17T14:56:00.001+07:00

When you wanted something so bad,
it seems like it's everywhere

si labil

2008-12-08T19:05:00.003+07:00

saya kira,saya bisa menahan emosi saya
tapi sungguh ya emosi, logika, dan perasaan tidak bisa dikontrol
saya bermain api lagi, saya tahu itu tidak baik
tapi bagaimana kalau saya mau terbakar?

I feed my ego, and sooner or later, I know, I'll get hurt

disappointed

2008-12-08T12:03:00.001+07:00

Ouuuw I hate you!
and i really meant it
I HATE YOU

2008-12-06T23:33:00.002+07:00

I'm sorry is two words I always think after you've gone
And I realize I was acting all wrong
So selfish is two words that could describe
Actions of mine when patience is all I needed by the time I face problems with you
If I could think before I speak, we won't have to say goodbye
We don't need it, and we don't need to fight after all
But hey, don't think I'm still crying until midnight
I surely can let you go, now and then

Saya tidak (atau mungkin, belum) bisa menghilangkan rasa,
saya hanya meletakannya sedikit di belakang,
dan tidak akan saya otak-atik,
sampai waktu itu (mungkin) datang lagi,
atau bahkan,
(yang saya harapkan) akan hilang dengan sendirinya

Letting you go and wanting you back
terlalu labil, dan terlalu tidak pantas untuk menghantui pikiran saya
yang semestinya penuh dengan ujian masuk universitas

Saturday December 6th 2008 22.46 too tired after that garage sale thingy and meeting them both (in person!)

hectic hectic

2008-11-26T17:25:00.002+07:00

ah my hectic days come along the way!
weeeeeeew
SIMAK UI will be held on 1st of March 2009
it means, i just have like mm, 3 months more or less
to prepare my self ready.
and trisakti is like 2 more weeks,
right on 14th December 2008,
right on my grand-mother's birthday,
and right on CCC's pre-event!
wauw
and tomorrow i'm going to have a final exam
civic and indonesian language
i dont have any text book of both subjects, so i'm going to borrow my friend's
and copied them now
but i'm too lazy to move my ass haha
and i'm going to have inten class
i was planning to take a tambahan for biology but the teacher couldn't make it
i'm not ready for this exam,really
wish me luck

ps. December is coming to town! yeehuu

a place called home

2008-11-26T16:55:00.003+07:00

Sometimes I wish I could find my own "home". And be back there as soon as possible. I dont mean home as a house where I lived now, nope. It's more like a person or maybe anything
that I can just turn into when I have a huge problem or maybe when I'm just too tired with all these things that happened here. I just don't find my own "home" yet, I guess.

I thought I already have found it about a year ago, but in my opinion,
a "home" would not leave you,
in any kind of situation.
They won't blame you,
if you do something unright.
They will always be there for you,
accompany whether you're sad or you're happy.
They can stand beside you,
even if you are being too damn noisy.
They can laugh with you, not laughing at you,
when you did something silly.
They can understand,
every little thing you did.
They can tell you,
if it's good or bad for you,
without sounds like a nagging stupid nenek lampir.
They can understand,
if you need just some me-time, and they wont disturbed you.
They can say something like,
"hey,of course you can count on me, anytime"
then smile when they said that.
And the most important thing they would accept you,
no matter what you really is.

Is that kinda impossible? To just find the one you need,
the one you can share almost anything to

I'm not looking, nor waiting. I'm just mm, saying my heart out. Saying things I thought here and now. And so, i'm done here. Done with my thought of "home". Yeah,not really done perhaps. I just tried to suspend my thought about it. Since I have so many things way more important to be worried about.

picture taken from printpattern.blogspot.com

2008-11-23T21:15:00.005+07:00

where have you been?
i've been waiting so long to hear from you
and all the things that we said we would do
remains to be plans of the past

we've been to quiet for too long
where is the hope we once had?
it's too late to be saved by your charm

we'll never get things right

your words are cold
and the season is too
the comfort in your voice is gone
don't keep in touch
i'm better of all alone
you've lost everything that i've loved

so is it worth the time?
am i done in your mind?
will i regret once you've gone?
why could i ever think that we would be good?

well, alright, i'm sorry i even tried
i was a fool to have hope in you

daphne loves derby-tennis court soundtrack

november rain

2008-11-19T19:32:00.003+07:00

seriously, don't you ever think about us?

a flashing thought maybe, kinda pieces of jigsaw. that little but powerful memory. do they ever flashing in your little brain?

come tell me. when you told me that you have never miss me, is that true? is that really what you feel? am i really that worthless to you?

do tell me the truth. are you going to hurt me? by saying that thing a lot. by acting like we don't have any precious memory. by talking to me like you talking to the others. by talking about past like it has never be something to you.

tell me. are those words you said back then when we were something, real? or they're just fake? compare it to now. i don't know what to believe seriously.

i feel awkward. i couldn't cry, but i'm not happy either. i wish that you could stay, but i dont think it maybe the best for us. i wish you to stay away, but i dont think i will be able to be in that kinda situation. don't you think i'm plin plan? yeah, think whatever you like. i dont care though. i dont know what i want to do, what i want to say, what i want to think, when it comes to you. seriously, you're driving me insane day by day.

could it be any harder? to watch you go, to face what's true. and how i wish that i could turn back the hours. but i know i just don't have the power. i wonder if you ever think of me.

tau kenapa gue tiba tiba nge post ini? nge post hal hal yg ah-tai-banget-sih. karena hari ini tanggal 19. gue gatau dimana hubungannya. ada hubungannya sebetulnya cuma yaudalah.

i'm going to have an inten class tomorrow, and since tomorrow is Thursday, it won't be good you knooooowwwwww. as usual, i'm as lazy as a pig to go to inten tomorrow. face the truth, things arent going to be like i wish it could be.

i'm sorry for my bad english.

my random post

2008-11-19T18:58:00.002+07:00

i dont know what i want to write. i'm going to have a math exam tomorrow. no, i'm not ready as my friends do. i'm really afraid about university thingy. serem bgt dengernya. kaya kemungkinan masuk PTN itu kecil bgt. kaya ga mungkin bgt gue bisa masuk FKG. dan parahnya gue yakin men, gue bisa masuk FKG. o tuhan. jijik deh gue. gara2 sok yakin itu nih gue jd belum ada niat belajar serius. ngeliat temen2 kelas gue pada bahas2 soal gue malah kabur ke kelas temen gue yg kosong. ngeliat temen2 gue pada bawa buku tebel2, gue malah ga bawa2 buku kaya gitu. ngeliat temen2 gue semangat bgt pingin ITB, gue malah gada niat masuk ITB, sedikit pun. oh god, i feel like i'm an alien in earth. i feel like everyone is changing, and i'm the only one that stay static, and i know it's not right. aduh. gue bingung. setengah mati gue bingung. gue takut. ah. kangen Epooooooo (Epo is my iPod, i decided to give it a name. setelah tau nama Mio putihnya Bisma itu Upit, gue jd kepingin ngasih nama iPod gue hahaha). ah this will be a very random post. i'm so tired.
ada yg punya club 8? yg i wish you'd stay? gue nyari lagu itu smp koprol tp susah bgt ketemunya. ah.

thought

2008-11-10T19:09:00.001+07:00

it rains hard today. so hard. too hard. and i love it. yeah. i'm still in love with rain, no matter what happened. my mind keeps playing tricks, to make me remembering all things that meant to be past. oh, you know, i'm so over this stuff. i'm getting sick of past time. but i can't deny, it's kinda my guilty pleasure. remembering the past, i mean. wew.
i have my influenza now.and my voice is being so like Dewi Persik. the "serek2 basah" kind of voice. one kinda voice that i love, actually, since my real voice is so "cempreng" haha. tomorrow is Tuesday. it means i have to go to Inten. in this kind of weather, how can it sounds so interesting? oh man, i'm so lazzyyyy to go to Inten tomorrow.

amicu

2008-11-10T18:19:00.001+07:00

i'll let you think what i mean ;p

dangdut

2008-11-07T22:14:00.003+07:00

ah gue mendadak dangdut nih masa. sial sekali deh. gue tiba2 suka lagunya dewi persik. gue nyanyiin terus masa. terngiang ngiang banget di otak lagunya. kaya racun. sial. sama lagunya rhoma irama. yg kaya gini loh liriknya ya setau gue.

"baru sekali aku merasaaaaaa kegagalan cintaaaaa"

dan gue cuma afal segitu doang, jd gue nyanyiin bagian itu doang. hahaha. abis deh itu gue diketawain. ga sih gue ga suka sebetulnya. cuma terngiang ngiang gitu di otak gue. jadi suka reflek gue nyanyiin. hahaha. norak deh nih gue sialan bgt.

future

2008-11-05T20:21:00.002+07:00

I spent some quality time with Minyon today. We discussed about our life--love life, family, friends, school, and our hectic days--and we imagined our life after high school. The chance that we will be separate ten thousands miles away yeah, hyperbol i know and that we will still be friends. We talked about past times, labil phase, and things that has changed. As we talked, I know, we aren't the same kids when we used to be. The junior high school kiddo. We grown up, as high school students. And in less than a year, we will be hitting our new world. The university thingy. We know, it will be way different from our high school. And I'm frightened. I really am scared of getting mature, for sure. I'm scared that I'll be picking the wrong decision, I couldn't be a good wife and a good mother too, I couldn't make my parents proud, and other things that still weight my mind. Maybe better I stop worried.

Currently, I do like The Script so much. I don't know why. Haha :)

Tomorrow is Thursday. But I'm not as excited as before. It isn't going to be a good day tomorrow. I'm not gonna expect too much for tomorrow,though. School and Inten aren't exciting for me these days. It keeps going on and on. And it makes me want to explode. I'm not a good student you know.

:)

2008-10-30T22:12:00.001+07:00

senang deh senang SENANG SENANG
hahahaha
:)

goodbye past, hello future! :)

nilaaaiiii

2008-10-29T18:51:00.002+07:00

NILAI MIDTEST!

Biologi : 72,50 pass!
Agama Islam : 88,00 pass!
Kimia : remed deCh, haha, untungnya udah remed dan insyaAllah tuntas : )
Sejarah : ah remed juga, pake dikatain bego sm Baguy gara2 sejarah gue remed pula dia juga banyak tuh remednya gue yakin haha, tp udah remed, dan ya insyaAllah tuntas : )
TIK : 67,50 remed, tp udah dong hahaha
Fisika : 72,00 pass!
Bahasa Inggris : 80,00 pass!
Matematika : 90,00 pass!
Bahasa Jerman : 75,00 pass!
Bahasa Indonesia : 72,00 pass!
Kewarganegaraan : 62,00 remed, gatau nih kapan -.-
Mulok : 62,00 remed, tp udah juga dong hahaha

yah lumayan deh nilainya. ga seburuk yg gue bayangkan. tp ga sebagus yg diharapkan ibu dan ayah. haha. when I said, I'm not ready, I really am not ready, tuh liat nilainya pas2an gitu kan. tp ya lumayan bgt buat ukuran gue segitu juga. buat ukuran otak gue yg wauw dan buat ukuran tempat duduk paling depan HAHA.

yang paling yahud ya pas kimia lah yeauw. soalnya ada 40, hitungan semua, waktunya cuma 90 menit! wauw bgt kan tuh, aduuuuh. gue lg ngerjain tuh smbl mencet2 kalkulator, tiba2 si pengawas yg ciamik itu bilang dengan muka bahagia

"oke ya dua menit lg nih kumpulin"

gue bengong, LJK kampret gue masih kosong 20. gue pasrah. gurunya ngeliatin gue terus bilang

P : "yah kosong banyak amat mbak"
G : "aaaaaaah susah tauuuuuuuuu bu! jangan ngeliatin dong ah"

akhirnya 20 soal kosong itu, gue isi tanpa ngeliat soal. bodo ah. tuh kan kejadian bgt nilai gue ciamik dung dung wauw begitu. 42,50 meeeeeeeen! (akhirnya kesebut juga pdhl td diatas sok2 sensor HAHA) yg penting pas remed gue bisa deh ah (bisa nyontek) hahaha.

let me think about it

2008-10-29T18:20:00.020+07:00

you said you love me

you said you want me

you said you need me

you said I'm the one

you said we'll make it

through good and bad times

you said you'll be my

crying shoulder

whenever I need you

how come you leave me?

well, you should let me think about it

inspired by Ida Corr and Fedde Le Grand Let Me Think About It

my thought............about us -.-

2008-10-28T22:14:00.003+07:00

somehow I believe
apapun, siapapun yang lagi kita jalanin sekarang is not gonna last forever
it feels like our labil phase and it will somehow end and back to what we used to have
tell me I'm wrong, because this faith is kinda killing me

rain, and my little sister birthday

2008-10-27T15:52:00.004+07:00

wauw, udah lama looh ga hujan sebesar sekarang, gue senang sekali

dari dulu gue suka hujan

suka baunya --terutama baunya--

suka udaranya
suka suasananya

suka ngeliatinnya

suka petir

suka geluduk

suka mainnya

gatau kenapa

enak aja kayanya ngeliatin hujan

makin gede makin asyik, makin banyak geluduk makin seru

apalagi kalo ngeliatinnya dr teras depan uwauw banget

hahaha

enggak, gada kenangan spesifik tentang hujan kayanya

emang ada orang2 yg suka hujan karena mungkin dia punya kenangan tersendiri di dalam hujan itu. cuma gue gada kok. i just like to see rain drops.

ya, mungkin memang ada sedikit, oh parah dikit bgt kok, kenangan tentang hujan.

cuma ya ga penting juga kok, bukan gara2 kenangan seupil itu gue jd suka hujan. haha. cuma iya, kalo ngeliat hujan kadang2 masih suka inget. haha.

hoiya, today is my little sister birthday. she's turning 7 this year. bedanya jauh memang, almost 10 years. and she's going to Kidzania with her school mates today, while tomorrow she's going to throw a birthday party at her school, well yeaaah, kids these days.........

itu foto tahun lalu sih, tahun ini belum ada fotonya, cuma yaaa daripada gada, right?

Avenged Sevenfold

2008-10-22T19:25:00.001+07:00

22 Oktober ya?
Avenged Sevenfold dong yaa hari ini?
wauw
tahun lalu juga looooh Avenged datang
tapi tahun lalu tanggal 070807
terus HUAH
udah setahun aja yaa

2008-10-20T18:58:00.003+07:00

would you even care, if I say "i miss you" right to your face?
because I see somehow, you're no longer care about us
maybe it's the way it should
but I just cant get enough about past time
will you stay by my side?

ps. i'm breaking my promise
tiba2 terlalu dahsyat, dan gue ga sanggup nahan

kwek kwek kwek

2008-10-19T18:52:00.004+07:00

JADWAL PEMBUNUHAN PERLAHAN (MIDTEST)
Senin : Biologi
Agama
Selasa : Kimia
Sejarah
Rabu : Seni rupa
T I K
Kamis : Fisika
Bahasa Inggris
Jumat : Matematika
Jerman
Senin : Bahasa
KWN
Selasa : Mulok (Pendidikan Lingkungan Hidup)

dan saya duduk di paling depan,
dan paling depan baris kedua dr meja guru,
dan itu artinya ga bisa nyontek dr hp,
dan itu artinya percuma minta di sms in jawaban,
dan nengok2 itu sm aja boong,
dan gue malah main fish tycoon (omaygod itu nagih gih gih),
dan KEINGINAN BELAJAR GUE BELUM ADA!
omaygod, gatau deh nih.

maaf ya ayah, ibu.
kayanya tengah semester ini nilai Denyar parah.
remednya 15 dr 13 pelajaran (naudzubillah)

besok gue uts biologi agama. seperti yg udh2 gue pasti ngegampangin satu mata pelajaran. jadi gue cuma belajar biologi, agama gue gampangin. gue tau itu namanya takabur. cuma gimana dong? biologi 2 bab, tp pertumbuhan sm metabolisme. dan catetan gue ga lengkap. yg dr sekolah gue ga pernah nyatet, yg dr inten pas bagian krebs cycle malah gue skip, karena menurut gue pas liat catetannya adalah "YAMPUN, apaan nih? ribet bgt, males ah" terus gue langsung ngeloyor keluar kelas. padahal krebs cycle itu ribet astagadragon. agama 4 bab, etos kerja ; hari kiamat ; dua lagi lupa, sholat jumat kayanya deh. tp di pikiran gue agama masih bisa lah pake logika. hari ini niatnya mau belajar nih dari pagi. cuma ada aja godaannya. pagi2 bangun disuruh nemenin bokap gue lari pagi sekalian jadi supir dia. pulang lari pagi,udh mau belajar nih. eh tiba2 si ibu lari lari ke gue

ibu : "dek dek dek, kita nonton laskar pelangi yuk yuk, temenin ibu yuk di cimol aja deket"
gue : "aduh tapi bu....."
ibu : "OKE! mandi ya!"

smp cimol, tiket habis. akhirnya gara2 penasaran kita ke citos. smp citos abis lagi -.- gila atau apa sih ini? itu udh lama bgt loh laskar pelangi masa masih banyak bgt yg nntn? ckck. terus gue periksa mata, gara2 gaenak baca. dan ternyata min 0,25 dan 0,75 jadi mesti bikin kacamata. tp malez zz. aduh. terus ke rumah nenek gue. emang sih itu juga sembari baca biologi. tp sekarang udh jam 7 dan gue belum tamat 1 bab. kayanya kalo gue baca komik lancar deh, sepuluh komik gue lahap 1 jam setengah juga jadi. omaygod. o o o. merahlah rapot semester saya. ckck.
bodo ah rapor jelek, yg penting FKG UI dapet! HAHAHAHAHA (ketawa penuh harap) eh tp jangan juga sih, dimarahin nanti gue. oke, rapor bagus dan FKG UI dapet! AMIN. doa doa doa dong doa.

doakan aku yaaa (benteng takeshi)

ps. mungkin gue akan berenti posting selama pembunuhan ini berlangsung. MUNGKIN loh. kemungkinan besar sih gue tetep posting dikarenakan semangat belajar gue ga tumbuh2 juga HAHA.
pss. tiba2 rindu (ga deng bohong)

my hectic days

2008-10-15T19:09:00.003+07:00

ah hari hari gue dimulai lagi -.-
hari hari normal maksudnya. pas bulan puasa kan jadwal2nya disesuaikan, dan sangat menguntungkan. haha. aduh. gue capek bgt deh. padahal belum ada seminggu mulai lagi : (
jadwal seminggu gue :

Senin : sekolah - 15.10
(kalo langsung pulang smp rumah paling jam 16.00, kalo ke runet dulu paling cepet ya
jam 17.30)
Selasa : sekolah - 15.10
runet - 16.15 (kurang lebih deh ya, nunggu inten aja pokoknya)
inten - 20.00
smp rumah paling cepet jam 20.45
Rabu : sekolah - 15.00
(kalo langsung pulang smp rumah paling jam 15.00, kalo ke runet yaaa paling jam 17.30)
Kamis : sekolah - 14.30
runet nunggu inten
inten - 20.00
smp rumah - 20.45 more or less
Jumat : sekolah - 11.45
runet atau manalah, ga mungkin langsung pulang haha - 18.00 more or less, seringnya
more, ga mungkin less ;p

dan itu semua diperburuk dengan kenyataan
tanggal 20 (sigh) sekolah gue midtest :(
it really is killing me -.-
udah siap midtest nyar?
SAMPE MATI JUGA GA SIAP DONG AUW :(
good news : duduknya paling depan :(
(good news bgt gila gila gila)

midtest = neraka kecil

ps. jadwal ujian blog nanti bakal gue post. biar pada puas ngeliat gue mati perlahan lahan. sungguh gue ga yakin sm otak gue. padahal gue kelas tiga. mestinya gue bisa lebih serius. tp itu mestinya dan kita ngomong kenyataan, bukan pengharapan. totototototot.

Sometimes

2008-10-13T20:54:00.002+07:00

Sometimes, ending wont really the end if you doesnt wish so
Sometimes, it doesn't have to end by any means

(Orange,Windry Ramadhina)

last post.....................

2008-10-08T20:37:00.006+07:00

This is going to be my last post.
My last post about my past :)

I decided to stop.

Stop letting my heart --and my brain-- rewinding my memories.

Stop crying from reminding those stuffs.

Stop reminiscing.

Stop being so mellow yellow person when I saw something that can reminds me.

And of course,

Stop wishing that --someday,somehow-- we could be together again.

I know it's hard.
And it sure needs some times.

Clearly, it's been --more or less-- 4 months since that day.

And I still can't let go easily.

Ada saat saat dimana gue tiba2 keinget lg masa lalu.

Dan selalu yg baik yg keinget.

Ga pernah yang buruk.

Apa emang selalu begitu?

When we tried to remove someone from our mind,

the thought of it just easily pops.

So it just.....mmm....berat buat....mmm...apa ya istilahnyaa? mm..ngelupain mungkin.

Bukan ngelupain juga sih.

Buat ngilangin rasa mungkin yaa lebih tepat.

Karena ngelupain itu terlalu kasar menurut gue.

Haha.

Tapi iya loh.

Little things make it harder.

Hal hal yang dianggep remeh justru yang punya power besar buat bikin gue inget lagi.

Yaaaaah, maybe its the way it is.
And surely this way hurts.

But I know, I can do this.

Actually, I've been to busy with bad memories you've made me.

I don't think I'll get over it.

To be honest, I can't see how this could be fair.
Tapiiii yaaaa.........

I can never change what's been and done.

4 months is more than enough I guess.

Past will never be future, face it.

And with the end of this post, it will be the end of my wishing days.

good bye dearest :') I'm moving on

if you ever read this blog, I hope you'll understand.

tp ga ngerti sih luuu, payoyeh HAHA.

gue nyalain esia looooh buat yg terakhir kalinya! : )
ngebaca ulang sms yg dulu rasanya goblok bgt yaa?
apalagi buat ngarep itu bakal kejadian
yaaaaaaaah namanya dulu sm sekarang kan pasti udh way different bgt kan yaaaaaa? : )

a quick update

2008-10-07T12:39:00.000+07:00

i've got my PMS and it's really killing me now

2008-09-30T19:18:00.000+07:00

SELAMAT IDUL FITRI

maaf yaa selama ini banyak salah, sengaja atau enggak :)

-

2008-09-30T11:22:00.003+07:00

besok lebaran loh.
dan gue belum juga tau mau minta maaf apa enggak.
apa nunggu?
iya kalo dia minta maaf, kalo enggak?
duluan?
gengsoy.
ah.
gue gasuka.
gue mau kembali.

mulai deh mulai

2008-09-28T19:51:00.002+07:00

see, it's true when they say i'm weak. yeah. i can say nothing. i'm weak. that's true. i just need more time...... yeah hopefully. time heals. time heals. one more, time heals!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah beraaaaaaaaaaaat tooooooooood! -__-

Belituuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuung!

2008-09-28T19:09:00.002+07:00

pas nonton Laskar Pelangi itu gue agak2 kepikiran kampung ayah gue. soalnya kan kata Maul nama tempatnya Belitong, sedangkan kampung ayah namanya Belitung. nah kan gue pikir beda tuh makanya gue biasa2 aja, abis Purwokerto sm Purwakarta aja beda kan tuh? haha. tp sih, di film nya kan bawa2 Timah ya, kampung ayah gue juga itu ada tambang Timah nya gitu. kakek gue malah kayanya kerja di Timah itu dulu. eh ternyata bener looooh! HAHA. ternyata itu kampung ayah gue! hahahahaha (sebenernya sih ayah gue di Bangka nya, yg di Belitung itu tante gue yg lain lagi, tp ya sodara2 juga lah, jadi gue anggep aja itu kampung gue juga HAHAHA ketawa setan) eh itu bagus bgt loh ya tempatnyaaaa. ngences deh gue ngeliatnya. haha.

ngences kan lo ngeliatnya kan? gila gila gila, pingin lompat2 diatas air bgt

rasanya deeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

Hari Sabtu nya kebetulan gue ada acara keluarga. Tante gue yg dr Belitung itu dateng juga kan, terus tiba2 ngebahas Belitung deh. ayah sm tante gue hot gitu berdua ngomonginnya, gue mah cuma bisa mingkem ngebayangin. lagian masa gue udh mau 17 tahun gini, baru sekali dibawa pulang ke kampung ayah? -__- hahahaha, tp disana udah gada siapa2 juga sih. tapi pingiiiiiiiiiin hahaha.

yeah

2008-09-27T13:18:00.000+07:00

you're right Gitt, i'm weak

260908

2008-09-26T23:32:00.002+07:00

HORE! akhirnya ketemu teman2 SD SMP haha. ketemu guru2nya juga. wauw wauw. syeruu haha. udh lama bgt ga ketemu mereka2 itu. ada sih yg msh sering ketemu. haha. terus akhirnya td ttp ikut juga buka puasa brg SMA. jadi tadi di tempat SMP cuma smp jam 8an. temen2 SD SMP gue jg pada mau ke moss kan, tp gue gaenak sm Tissa udh janji. ada Maul juga untungnya, jd ada temen buat nyusul ke pizza hut. kalo gada Maul sih pasti gue ikut ke moss itu td. haha.

pas gue nyusul berdua Maul ke pizza taunya cuma ada Tissa doang. lg ngerokok dia sembari bengong bengong sendirian gtu. terus ngobrol2 gitu kan nungguin Ipank sm Baguy yg katanya mau nyusul. Ipank katanya mau teraweh dulu, Baguy lagi nganter ibunya dulu. ga berapa lama Ipank dateng, pake baju koko sm peci gitu tapi ternyata dia gajadi teraweh haha. tp mau itikaf sih di masjid. rajin ya doi. ckck. haha. sedangkan Baguy gajadi dateng karena masih nemenin nyokapnya. lucu deh, gue entah kenapa selalu seneng denger anak laki2 yg deket sm nyokapnya kaya gtu. kesannya bertanggung jawab sm keluarga, family man gitu kan. se bandel2 nya pasti msh inget orangtua jadi masih ke kontrol. haha. (melenceng dr topik) iyaa, terus akhirnya yg gantiin Baguy jadi Bisma deh. pas lagi ngobrol2 gitu tiba2 tercetus lah ide nonton Laskar Pelangi. Bisma sm Ipank gamau tapi, mereka berdua lebih pingin itikaf di masjid, katanya mau minta hidayah dr Allah biar bisa masuk UI. haha.

akhirnyaaa, yg nonton cuma gue Tissa sm Maul. nonton yg jam 20.45 di cinere mall. ternyata, studio nya penuh! kita dapet tempat paling depan, bener2 tengah dan paling depan. nontonnya dangak terus. mendingan sih, waktu itu gue nonton Iron Man udh paling depan pinggir lagi, lebih gaenak itu. tp gue heran deh. maksudnya gini, ini udh di CIM kan nontonnya, udh malem pula jam terakhir, hari Jumat pula, kenapa masih rame bgt gitu ya? ckckck.

filmnya bagus! gue belum baca bukunya sih, agak ga interest sebetulnya. jadi gue bawel bgt nanya2 terus ke Maul di awal film. cuma abis itu ngerti juga untungnya. tempatnya itu (Belitong kalo ga salah namanya) itu bagus bgt! parah gue suka bgt pantainya. lautnya biru gradasi, pasirnya putih, terus ada satu tempat di pantai itu yg banyak batu2 gede nya, itu bagus bgt. gue pingin bgt kesana. padang rumputnya juga bagus. nonton deh filmnya. cuma td gue agak2 ngantuk, gara2 udh malem mungkin ya. haha.

ah capek bgt deh ini. haduh. mana besok mbak gue dua2nya pulang kampung lagi. aaaaah. makin capek tambah capek deh ini. males sauuuuuur deh jadinya. haha.

azzeeek, lebaran sebentar lagi yaaa? gue jadi bingung, mending gue yg minta maaf duluan, apa nunggu dia minta maaf yaaaa? kalo gue duluan kan gengsiiiii HAHAHA. (masih tetep gengsian dari dulu smp sekarang) :P

2008-09-26T14:47:00.001+07:00

I'll dream of the past and wish that I was there
I'm so sorry but I'm scared that my heart will regret the things that I've done
I've wasted more time dreaming than living

(Come Winter - Daphne Loves Derby)

wew

2008-09-26T10:39:00.001+07:00

yeay! nanti buka puasa SMP! tp diajak buka puasa rame2 sm temen2 SMA juga. yang mana dong dong dong? bingung deh -______-